Random clutter

Portlandia. Adventure. Never say goodbye, say farewell. Be kind. Be humble. Be honest. Smile. Don't give a fuck. Cuss. Hurt or be hurt. Live and let live. Be alive. Give thanks.

Don't fall into trends, set them. Original. Make foot steps, don't follow. Lead.

My mind is a big clutter. But I'm at that content stage again. Thanks. I miss you. 

Confidentiality

I don't understand why people are so curious with someone else's habits, etc. We do the things we do because we can, what else do you want from us? They would assume that just because someone is smoking, it's something stressful that's happening in their life. No, not every "bad" thing results to smoking, etc. For example, some jack ass just asked me on why I smoke. I took a deep drag and blew out the smoke and said "I'll give you two answers, one; it's because I want to die sooner, two; because it's cool. Like what the fuck does stranger need to know about me and smoking. 

Doesn't boundaries exist anymore? You just don't go frolicking anywhere asking stupid questions. If you do, you'd probably get a stupid answer. Stay out of anyone's business. No one wants you. I swear. Sometimes I just shrug it off and sometimes I just end up exploding on them. 

Really though, somethings aren't meant to be said. So keep your fucking stupid questions to yourself, you fucking twat. 

Grow

Growth really is an amazing thing. I was once told that it's better to just not say anything rather to say something that is bad. I was actually repeatedly told that when I was growing up, I guess it never really stuck in. But, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine telling each other how we've grown and changed for the better. They aren't drastic change, but it really is noticeable. 

We've exchanged nostalgic memories that made us laugh, but also moments when we would just sit blankly after a serious moment. He told me that I've changed a lot, but then I don't think I have because I was completely just learning better things. If that makes any sense. I learned that attention isn't really going to get you anywhere, specially if you crave for it. I'm trying to keep things simple and live that quiet life. Also before saying something really mean and rude think about it and just let it be, meaning to just not say it. It's funny how parents and adults always say things like these, and you don't really get it when you're experiencing things on your own. Everything just clicks in.

As if there was a big puzzle, and every piece is slowly fitting in. I've learned a lot of things through out my 23 years of life, and I'm still yearning for more. I want to keep striving to become the person I want to be. A bit cliche eh? But, setting a goal just keeps the tracks in line. 

So for now, let me just tell you about daily thoughts and stories that would entertain you. 

Stay tuned. 

Lost

I've lost the music in me. The notes aren't the same anymore, the melodies doesn't ring together anymore. I'm empty. I'm an untouched guitar with a few broken strings. The passion has left me, the creative flow is totally long gone.

I wish that it was easy for us to reconnect, but yet I'm holding a grudge. A poison that would kill me. It's hard to let go of the things we've shared, the places we've been. I blame myself whenever your name comes around, but I shouldn't. I don't think I've done anything wrong. It's funny is that in your point of view you would never understand what I felt. But that's okay. You hope that I'm doing well, you wish the best for me. 

Thanks. I still cringe whenever I come across things that make me remember of you.

Acceptance

The search for self acceptance is a hard journey to accomplish. You get to experience a good amount of ups and downs, twist and turns, and at times you just feel like you don’t really know where you’re going. You loose track of what you want, what you are, and where you want to go. People would come and go, and as you get older you learn to realize that it’s ok. It’s ok that they aren’t there anymore, it builds you to be stronger, it builds you to have the strength to carry on.

A good hint is, don’t ever look down. Metaphorically speaking, you loose the sight to see on what’s happening around you, what’s happening infront of you. You will loose the ambition, passion, and drive. With out these essential tools, you would never aim higher, you wouldn’t want to keep going. So, always look forward no matter how dim it is, because eventually you’ll get to somewhere clearer.

You need to be happy. In order for you to start accepting yourself is that you need to be happy. Fuck whatever they think of you. Be happy with what you do and be confident about it. Nothing is more attractive than being happy and confident with yourself.  Try it, trust me people will find you attractive.

Once you’ve found your niche, you’re on the road of the good path of self acceptance. Learn to love yourself. Learn to make mistake and learn how to overcome it.

Because I know how hard it is to have self acceptance, and I too have yet to search for my good path. I know how it hurts loosing sight of something you want. I know how it is to loose important people in your life. I’ve wanted to accept myself a long time ago, but the journey has yet to start. No matter how hard it is, I pull out my head out of my fucking ass and fucking move on. I learn how to become happy and how to have confidence. Also, I’m surrounded with great people. 

Basic Survival

I find it weird that I've been really interested in survival shows. Dooms Day Preppers, Dooms Day Bunkers, etc, and I'm very interested in actually start saving up somethings to prepare for some shit that might happen in the distant or near future.
 
I'm already thinking that it's crazy that I'm thinking about all these things, but hey you got to be a step ahead.

I'm fucking clueless with survival in general, but I've picked up some basic things to get me started.

To start, consider “The Rule of Threes.” A human can survive for:
- 3 minutes without air
- 3 hours without a regulated body temperature (shelter)
- 3 days without water
- 3 weeks without food
The “Rule of Threes” provides a guideline of how to prioritize basic survival skills: first shelter, then water, and lastly food.

http://www.wildernesscollege.com/basic-survival-skills.html

I'm probably going to keep updating this topic, but as of right now, I've prepared a bag full basic necessities for survival. And I've always been meaning to purchase some solar power recharge battery. I'm fucking crazy. I don't care.

The Pride

Greetings. It's funny how me and my dad always "try" to get along, but it never stays as a permanent. We just can't. Who knows, maybe it's just a father and son phase when we just don't get along. But, at least I don't respond to him like I'm mad, he usually just gets mad at me the moment he sees me.


The time he was on vacation from work which was this last month, we spend about two weeks talking then until my dog travis tried to bite me, I mean I couldn't just let it pass by because fuck, he's just a fucking dog. My dad put the blame on me, like it was my fault when I was trying to pet the dog. He had the courage to protect the fucking animal first before standing next to me, his own fucking son.


But, then at that moment, we just didn't speak. We just ignore each other. It didn't start with him, his pride is all the way up to his neck, so fuck it. I as well won't budge. I know I wasn't wrong and the dog was at fault. Fuck it. If we don't talk, then I'm fucking fine. It's not like it would change anything.


Tells you how much dad issues I actually have. I've longed for a father I could talk to, but then I just have a man that cares more about the fucking dog.

Be Okay

Music: Jhene Aiko - Bed Peace (Acoustic Version)
Mood: Bland

 I'm okay now. It may seem a bit cliche to say I don't give a fuck anymore. Because that's how everything is right now. Life just kinda move on and I just happen to take a longer way and now I'm on it.


I don't try to communicate with people who I don't need to anymore. No pointless talks with strangers that is trying to build something with me. I'm not about that right now, I'm just trying to figure myself out and how I really want to be or how to fix myself. In order for me to build new bridges with people I meet, I need to be content with who I am and how my actions are. But right now, I'm a fucking animal.


I'm fine with my old friends and that's all I need. I need to learn on how to take advices and kind/harsh words my friends give me. Since I can't figure out what's wrong with me, they would give me that view.


I'm a cold cold person. But when I warm up with you, I don't plan on letting go of your company in my life. I want you to stay. I just need to be sure and be okay.


That's what I need, I need to be okay.

Platonic

Music: Angels and Airwaves - It hurts "Your bestfriend isn't your girlfriend"

Mood: Irritated/Bitter

It was me who ruined something. Some platonic relationship huh? I was something that was nothing more than the guy who was there when she's feeling down. I've read that you shouldn't ask for anything in return if you're doing a good deed. I've made a sin that I fell for someone who isn't someone to fall for. I was in the wrong that I confessed, feelings should've corroded and as well take my heart. Now, I've been carrying such a bitter taste to people who steps into my life and ask for affection. I hate to say that everyone's the same, it's just that I've had such bad luck. I probably have deserve this. Don't attend this self pity party, you aren't invited.


It's funny, how I think about the times when I thought your smiles were meant for me, and your looks was something more than a lie. You cross my mind here and there, but then I just frown upon everything and what you've done. I think it's selfish, yet you throw yourself at random guys. I don't get anything. Fuck it, maybe it isn't so bad being an asshole. Sometimes people need to get treated badly, I've learned that if you open up and invested your time, and even if you develop a feeling, it doesn't end well. So, cheers to the assholes. To the douchebags. To everyone who has felt pain, to everyone who was nice enough to be stepped and used on.


Ciao.

What I like about taking pictures of you is that, even candid photos shows how beautiful you are. What are kind words when they are ignored? They are nothing, not even a spec. So, you're just a memory now. A memory that haunts me.

Preference

Preferences.

I don't really try to spill thoughts on here anymore, maybe because I've lost my touch. But then that's some bullshit excuse to just not post. I'm a lazy bastard, I'm not as creative enough to be posting new post daily, there isn't anything exciting that happens in my life. I stay at home or I'm out with my friends, and I don't think I like to bring my camera, but that's just me. Maybe I should, like I always tell my self. Who knows.

Instead of trying to generalize on preference topic, I would just spill the beans on here.

Preference for girls;

I prefer Asians, I don't know why. I'm just attracted to them more, probably because I've been surrounded by then ever since I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, there are other girls who aren't Asians that are really attractive, to be honest, my first girlfriend was Caucasian. Simplicity is cliche, you can't always have a girl simple, because girls like to dress up! You can't always have a girl wearing plain shirts and not wear makeup. Nonetheless, it wouldn't hurt to find a down to earth girl with a simple style. Height, I'm not intimidated by height actually, it really depends on the girl. Weight, lately it really hasn't been an issue. If a girl is confident enough to strut her body proudly, then why can't I see the beauty in that right? So who knows. Personality, if you can laugh at my stupid jokes, have deep intimate conversations with me then we are good. Also, if you can carry out a conversation with my friends, then you are in. They aren't that hard to please. Other than that, everything is pretty normal with me.

Preference to music;

I'm versatile. My music library has a good variety of every music genre, I think because my dad has brought me up listening to a lot of stuff. Thanks dad.

Preference to food;

I'm not picky. I'm down to try things, just as long as I know I'm not allergic to it. But then I think I'm not allergic to anything, so let's chow!

I think that I've been learning again with photo compositions.

Here's a recent photography of me.

Playing with lighting again.

GTAV

Strength. Brothers.

Fingerprints on Memories

Once again I leave fingerprints on my keyboard just to leave a mark on something that will once be a memory.

I've been really cluttered lately, with thoughts, life, and everything in between. 

It feels like I'm in a constant battle for something that I want to grasp, but never really be able to touch it.

By the way, I've compiled a random mixtape that consist of piano riffs, jazz samples, and good old school hip hop verses.

Enjoy.

It'sThatGoodMixtape

PS. I really need to take more photos, and that video I've recorded recently, it's been in a halt right now, I'm too lazy to edit. 

My bad for not posting up any new video, I wanted to edit it using this fucking dumb ass of a Netbook, but it can't handle the heavy editing I usually do so my videos will have to wait. I'm getting my monitor from geek squad soon anyways so hold them horses. I took pictures of what I'm working with at the moment. It feels like the longest week with out my monitor and I have to just deal with things with my dad's tablet, my 3ds, my phone, and this dumbass laptop.


Enjoy the unedited photographs:

New grind.

I'm tired of starting a new, so maybe count this as starting a new chapter. I could always make a new blog, or a new channel to express what bothers me, but maybe this time I'll stay and just add on. Just so that I see some personal growth.





I don't know if I should block some of my post due to the fact that I do want to have them publish to the public, but to an extent where my family won't be able to see and read it. Who knows, maybe things just has to go out.

I'm editing a new video.

I'm still bitter. But here's to a night of realizing stupid things that I should've known already.

Fuck you.

I'm annoyed or irritated.. I have no clue but I just need to type.

It sucks when you confess what you feel towards a friend, then everyone knows the fucking answer to that. It doesn't fucking happen. I still did it just so that I have no regrets before I leave to the Air Force. But the inevitable happens, she comes back to her old ex.. I don't fucking know why, this is a guy who was possessive etc. I don't know much about him, but he doesn't sound to pleasant from the stories that was told to me.

I know I don't have the fucking external qualities the guy has or the money, but I know I'm hell of a better guy than him. So I wonder, the times that was told to me that external qualities and money doesn't matter, but it really does. I am what I am because of the fucking things that has happen to me. I'm not mad because she doesn't like me back, I'm mad because it seemed like I wasn't given that chance even with the fucking personality I have. I'm easily replaceable, nothings permanent. The times I was there was just shit and doesn't mean anything anymore...

I don't know, but if you really were my friend how come you weren't there whenever I needed your help. But yet I was there when you cried, when you were happy, when you were at your best...

this is fucking bullshit, i'm outie..

3:56 am

It's a bit hard to go to the direction you want me to go, because I'm starting to feel much more than a friend to you. I'm at a crossroad once again, and I swore that friendship is more important than relationship, but I want something more. I'm playing with fire and I don't know where to go with it. 

Every time I'm with you, I can just stop talking and look at you with amazement. So captivated with every single thing you talk about. Probably that's one of the reason on why I'm magnetized to you, it's because you aren't some basic bitch. You're much more.

I don't know where I'm going with this. But, hopefully down the road our paths will cross, not as friends, but as lovers. 

Small Summer Update 6/6/2013

Hey old friend,

I've taken my first step into making big changes in my life. And with that I'm mostly talking about unnecessary distractions, such as; Facebook, Tumblr, and Twitter. I've taken them all down today, I don't know what it'll do, but I'm somewhat relieved that I did so. Just because now I'm not so attached to something that isn't there. So, count this as just my communication in the blogging world. Congrats.

Oh on the lighter note, I'm going to the Air Force.

-tangelo

Friend,

Let's ignore how long I've been gone or how I don't stop by to visit anymore. But let's get right at it. What I've gathered in the time that I've been gone is that, sex is around us. Sex is at a reachable state, I don't even know how young kids now-a-days are fucking. Porn isn't hidden at the back of the video store anymore behind a black door covered up with do not enter, 18+ and older only. Porn is fucking accessible! I'm not going to be a prude because I'm not. I don't know where I'm going with this, probably just cut it short. Peace the fuck out.

At times, I glance at ex lovers recent photos and I can't help but to think that, maybe they were around to help you get stronger. I tend to dwell in the past, and want to re-live the fucking moment, but that's all bullshit. I see them with new lovers and I can't help but feel happy, because I'm a fucking happy person. happy happy happy.. fuck you...

Update 9/22

Dear friend,

Here I am filling you up with apologies again since I don't really give you any attention. But, let me catch you up with things that's been happening to me. First and foremost, I have a job now at a sushi restaurant. I haven't really experienced this at all with anything since it's my first job. Everything has to be accurate and fast, and I'm still getting a hang of the knife usage. I think it'll settle in after a week of constant working. Other than that, I got a new battery for my netbook! Which means everything would be fine again, or well when I can use the netbook. And this time, it isn't like those cheapy made in China batteries. This can last me at least 4-6 hours? I don't know, but I think that's fine enough. I doubt I'd be using this heavily. But that's everything. Thanks for hearing me out friend, good to be able to write on you again. Till next time!

Angelo

With a burned out battery I have roughly enough time to post something before this stupid netbook battery dies out.

Hi,
Neighbor who i've met just about 3 days ago. We've been talking non stop till now, you addressed that you are in a complicated situation. I respect that, but at the same time I don't know how I came off on our first conversation or let's say our first night of texting. I didn't know if you put me on the friend zone or you probably have something deep for us? I don't know! It's been 3 days, what the fuck am I even thinking! I'm just glad I got to meet you, you're a super cool person and you're really fun to talk to. I don't want to stop know, but I want to know more about you. It's funny how I've met your parents first before I met you. I don't know. I wish we can figure something out, because girl I'm diggin this vibe.

Peace out.