Tears

I grew up knowing that if you show tears you are weak. Showing your real emotions shows weakness, and being weak shows inferiority. I've stuck with that thought even to this day, to bottle up emotions so people wouldn't think you are weak. My dad really laid the iron fist in the family, he didn't have to raise any hand to discipline us, but we knew to not push his button until he does. But the sense of strength of not showing your emotion can really take the toll out of you, and that's what I'm going through.

At times, I'd just don't know if I'll ever cry or have a permanent cold heart. I haven't cried in the longest time, my tear ducts are really on the dry season for years now. I have moments when I'd tear up with something or someone I really cared about. But relationship wise, I've never really cried for any girl. I don't know what that means, but it sure doesn't say what I truly feel about a girl. I've loved, I've gotten hurt, I've gotten up with out crying, all I know is that it made me stronger.

I guess there is a price to things, because even though I'm strong I don't know how to feel sympathy or worry to anyone. I do care and love my friends and family, but unless it's a very drastic incident my worries are long gone soaring up in the sky. I have to work on this heart of mine, warm it up a bit and start caring. I need to have that long good cry I've bottled up inside this superior shell.