Expectations

I hate having expectations, I set my self up knowing that everything would go down and not happen. Yet, I still plan things or hope things would pull through and be excited. Things doesn't happen the way we planned it. But fuck, I can't stand the fuck that when you plan something and it doesn't happen, it is just total shit hole. I'm typing generously in order for me to not rage on my keyboard.

I hate feeling so fucking shitty, waiting for a fucking respond hoping that everything would still pull through, here I am having expectations. Maybe that's why I'm so bitter when it comes to planning, because there's always that chance it won't happen. Maybe that's why, I hate planning. But then again, even if someone plans something happens, so it's just some elaborate scam that people do to either get your hopes up, or you get your hopes up for nothing.

I hate myself, for having such expectations. But there's a start for me to not have them anymore. To not get my hopes up, or rely on something that will not happen. Fuck expectations...