Looking back on the old post I have on this made me realize that I can blog. I can write. You don't have to be the best writer to have the best blog, I have this blog just so that I can color it with words I want to say.
I can't picture myself being in a relationship anymore. Or I don't think that I'm capable of being in a relationship anymore, because my standards has changed. Yes, I still like my simple plain woman, but I just can't imagine myself being with anyone. I do have moments when I'm talking to someone and I end up liking them really bad and I want to be with them, once I sense a distress of change, my interest for her drops and I would just test how far it would drag for her to just say "let's just stop talking." It's very horrible, I know. But I can't deal with flings. They are too fast and too easy. The most I hate about it, is that we both get hurt. We get hurt hoping that promises would pull us through when we are at our lowest.
The girl who I was talking to, she did everything. She never failed to show what she really feels for me. She visited me almost all the time when she can. By the way, she lives about 30 mins. away from me. She was also falling for me, and have stated it plentiful of times. I wish I did something to save what we had. Because it was great, it was really great. We both like each other and also to the point where we falling so hard for each other. It was amazing actually. But she started to doubt me, with a lot of things. This arouse my senses of being so open to her. Maybe I've said too much that she doubts me on everything I tell her. Then she goes off saying "I'm not ready." meaning she isn't really ready for a relationship. Once she said that to me, I was sedated by pain. I was thinking so much and I was hurting. I was hurting to the point I just wanted to not do anything. I just wanted to lay there on my bed and not think. In my head I was already thinking that this is all done. I don't want a girl to doubt me, I've been so honest and loyal to her. I have showed it greatly. But at this moment, me and her are done. I hated to think that this was just going to be another summer fling, but look where it ended. It ended right before summer.
Till I have the urge of blogging again, see you again my friend.
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