I'm a mess

This might get messy.

I don't know where to start. Maybe the cloudy view of life is just out of grasp. As of right now, I don't know what to do with mine. No suicidal here, I will fight for another day. I'm in a mess, I don't know what do. It is like when someone has hit rock bottom and they are just out in the sidewalk drinking out of beer cans hidden with paper bags. My head is down at the slump. I'm left alone. Maybe that's why the grasp of reality has hit me in the face again. That I'm alone. Having someone that was there was experiencing the pain I was going through, and that can't happen. I don't want to be someone that's causing pain to others intentionally. Fuck, just being with me is a pain.

What can I do? As of right now, I guess I'm a lone soldier. I've fought far enough to let go of something precious to me. But, I just have to walk this brick road alone. I wouldn't have wanted to happen this way, but what can I do. I'm at a russian roulette match with death, and I'm aiming to win.