Quality over quantity

I'm thankful for the friends that is actually there when you call for help. I know not every one has time or they are legitimately busy, but to be honest I have hundreds of phone numbers on my phone and I don't know who to call when I'm having a problem. I don't know who to turn to. What is this fake wall I'm putting up, telling myself I have friends because of how many people are in my contact list. That's plain BS.

I have a few close friends, and at times I still don't have the comfort of calling them. Or I still have that space between them that holds me back from asking for help. It is rare for me to reach out to people, it is because I've learned to be by myself. I've accepted to be alone. I've learned that you can't always depend on people. Being strong just came so naturally for me, but then at times it makes me sad when everything is just at their lowest and I don't have the strength to hold myself up anymore.

I have problems, I have issues, I'm not perfect. The nostalgia that my old videos brings back puts a smile upon my face. When I knew I actually had great friends around me. The friends that I can rely on and always counted as a family. Even though some have stayed and some have swayed away, I'm still glad that I knew them. Look at me now, I'm a mean person. When I try to call people, it is rare for them to pick up, and for the ones that do are appreciated. Being so strong makes me so weak, I'm strong by myself, but when I can't handle things anymore, it takes me down.

I miss my old friends.